Dear Mr. Editor of The Daily Mail,
It’s absolutely disgusting! Bloody well disgraceful – and you can quote me on that! Did you know that there are paedophiles literally running around out there! Did you? Well, OK, not they’re not literally running around out there, well, not all of them, there may be some, but you know what I mean. I mean… Jesus! Can’t you do something about it? Think of the children! In fact, don’t think of the children! That’s their problem, they’re too busy thinking about the children. God, it makes me feel physically sick just thinking about it. I’ve already vomited thirteen times today whilst watching music television – and I have the bucket to prove it! I blame Rock ‘n’ Roll and the internet. And drugs and the “swinging sixties”. And liberals, the decline of national service and processed food. And immigrants! Let’s not forget the immigrants! Music, however, is the most blame-worthy culprit, though, obviously! There are literally hundreds of millions of filthy paedophiles producing rock ‘n’ roll and “popular music” records – and that’s no exaggeration! Well, OK, it’s a bit of an exaggeration… but, in real terms, it really isn’t!!!!!!!!!
Take, for example, if you will, Chuck Berry’s record ‘Sweet Little Sixteen’ (you’ll have to use your own copy, I vomited over mine after listening to its filth!). The lyrics, “All the cats want to dance with Sweet Little Sixteen”. Well, it’s just completely wrong, isn’t it? Cats? It’s blatantly a thinly veiled euphemism for female genitalia. Dance? Well, we all know what you do when you dance – jiggle up and down and sweat a lot. Berry is urging people to jiggle up and down on a sixteen year old girl’s ‘cat’ and it’s just WRONG! He obviously wasn’t satisfied with singing about wanting you to play with his ding-a-ling. Ding-a-ling? Did you know that he means penis?!?! Yes, his penis!! Children heard that, Berry! It was played on the radio! Children heard you singing about your penis on the radio!!! Shame on you – and your penis, Berry, you sick, sick, sick, sick pervert! Do not underestimate my outrage! I have vomited fifty-seven times whilst writing this paragraph alone.
And it’s not just Chuck Berry – many disgusting so-called “artists” have condoned Berry’s sick desires by covering this record – The Rolling Stones (they included well-known kiddy-diddler Bill Wyman – enough said!), The Beatles (who had a GAY manager – enough said!) and Yoko Ono (who is JAPANESE!!!). I, myself, have covered this record. IN VOMITUS!!!!
Ringo Starr was evidently the most ill, depraved member of The Beatles as he has sported a moustache and other facial hair for the majority of his career. The trademark look of the paedo! Apart from that, he also recorded another paedophile’s anthem, “You’re Sixteen, You’re Beautiful And You’re Mine”. Filth. Utter filth. You shouldn’t be lusting after sixteen year old girls, Mr. Starkey, we all know how sick you are with your Thomas The Tank Engine activities. Trains? Tunnels? I know what you’re up to, “Ringo”!!!!! The drums aren’t the only things you want to bang, are they? Disgusting.
Gary Puckett together with his Union Gap clearly had the right idea when he sang, “Young Girl, get out of my mind/my love for you is way outta line/better run, girl/you’re much too young, girl!”. Starr & Berry could learn a lot from Mr. Puckett – at least he admits that he is a filthy, dirty, disgusting paedo and has attempted to do something about it! Kudos, Sir – you’re a nasty pervert, but you admit it. Now go and get yourself castrated, you nonce!!!!
I honestly, swear to God, wish I could say that this is a problem confined to the “elder statesmen” of rock, but even the younger artists are getting in on the act. Justin Bieber sings in his peverted, depraved way about wanting to get it on with his “baby”! Despicable!!! What chance have the kiddies of today going through their lives unmolested with monsters like Bieber in the world? Even supposedly wholesome stars like Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams decided they were “doing it for the kids”!!! I kid you not, when I first heard that on the wireless, I vomited so hard, my stomach turned inside out!!!!!!
Now, heed my words – but I shall be writing to you again tomorrow, regardless of whether you print this or not. I urge you to print this as I am sure your readers will share my outrage and feel as outraged as I am – which is completely outraged! Now, I must bring this to a close for the 1962 classic ‘Lolita’ is on television and I still think I have a little bile left in my stomach to expunge. Not much, but – I pray – enough. I urge, nay, ORDER, you to act against the offenders named in my letter, otherwise, and this is no exaggeration, the world we live in and all its children will be in mortal danger! Well, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but it’s actually not. Not in the bloody slightest! And if you disagree, then you’re either a paedo or a paedo lover – OR BOTH!!!
Yours, in moral outrage,
Mr. R. Johnlittle
p.s. Hanging is too good for them.