Infamous last words

There was a wonderful response to yesterday’s ‘blog.  Thank you to everyone who read and commented both on here and Facebook.  It means a lot to me.

Today’s ‘blog entry,however, is entirely frivolous and is an imagining of the last words that some people may have uttered before they have departed from this life…

  • “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with eating food that’s slightly out of date!”
  • “That’s right, all of the mushrooms in this delicious Bolognese have come straight from my garden!”
  • “Hey, look – a light at the end of the tunnel! That’s strange, it seems to be coming closer…”
  • “Stand back, I’ll get your wedding ring out of the machinery…”
  • “I can’t understand why everyone doesn’t build their own nuclear reactor!”
  • “What bus?!?”
  • “What do you mean, ‘We’re headed for an iceberg’? What possible damage could a bloody lettuce do?”
  • “Of course the safety catch is on… allow me to demonstrate!”
  • “Strange… it doesn’t usually do that…”
  • “Whatcha talking about… I don’t see a duck!”
  • “Mmm… I love these burgers you get from those vans after coming out of a nightclub!”
  • “Good boy… nice doggie…!”
  • “Nothing beats making hot buttered toast whilst having a bath!”
  • “Wait a minute, Father… what do you mean you’re giving me my last tights? I don’t wear tights!”
  • “Don’t worry lads, it’s an American ‘plane!”
  • “If you really must know… YES! Your bum does look big in that!”
  • “I’ve pulled the pin out, Sarge… now what?”
  • “Don’t worry, he’s definitely hibernating.”
  • “Of course you can walk under a ladder.  Bloody superstitious nonsense!”
  • “These sausages taste a bit funny, dear.”
  • “Of course there aren’t any land mines round here!”
  • “Hello – Mr. bin Laden, is it?  Have you got a few minutes to discuss why you should be giving your heart to Jesus?”
  • “Come on now, Son, it’s time to turn off Call Of Duty
  • “Wow… my scrotum’s never been that colour before…”
  • “Good evening, Mr. Mugabe, my name is Nick Griffin…”
  • “OK, that’s the fifteenth photo album from my day trip to Leicester over with, only fifteen more to go!”
  • “So Dr. Shipman – if I take this pill, will I be much better in the morning?
  • “Well, I don’t bloody know what that button does. Let’s press it and find out…”
  • “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
  • “What’s wrong?  Are you on your period, dear?”
  • “I’ve kept Rottweilers all of my life and they’re the sweetest dogs you’ve ever… aaaaaaaagh!”
  • “Oh darling… you’re rather frisky this morning… wow – and so much bigger than normal… and… hmm… you’re a lot scalier than usual too… wait a minute… why is your cock hissing at me?”
  • “You’re not as good as your sister…”
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About A.D.S.

You are reading the musings of a music-obsessed forty-something who was brought up on The Beatles, lived through Britpop and now spends his time in pursuit of the best music around. This 'blog gives me an outlet to write about the huge number of albums I buy and the many gigs I go to. All of the opinions expressed are my own and if you don't agree with me, then I understand - music is a very personal thing. I like to receive comments, especially if they're nice ones.
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