The Women’s Institute get horny!

A plethora of hungry gibbons rampaged through the quiet streets of Christchurch, Dorset, devouring old ladies who happened to be wearing flowery hats. “Crivens!”, wailed Doris, leader of The Christchurch Ladies Group Against Utter Bastards (a branch of the Women’s Institute), “Those hairy primates have eaten Betty, Radishface and Penelope ‘Walnut-head’ Jones! Isn’t there anything anyone can do?”

Just then, nothing happened! But an hour later, something incredibly extra-ordinary happened! The gibbons, having eaten their fill of old ladies with slightly embarrassing facial hair, settled down for a nap in order to properly digest the heady cocktail of corsets, liver & onions, Rennies & TCP-marinated wrinklies and, subsequently, let their guard down. Big mistake. Big, big mistake! Big, big, big mistake!  Did I mention that this was a big mistake?

Doris, dressed in only a balaclava and a merkin, ably assisted by pint-sized comedian Ronnie Corbett, crept up on the Alpha Male (who was called Albert Ponsonby), rammed an automatic umbrella up his posterior and activated the ‘open’ mechanism on the handle. Well, you should have heard his scream. It was like listening to a Yoko Ono record at a disco for toddlers. The rest of the gibbons scattered like rice in a Welsh village and – as for Albert Ponsonby?  Well, at least he had dry feet for the rest of his long, prosperous life.

The gibbons were never seen or heard of again but – they may still be out there. Think of that first before you wear a stupid flowery hat. Goodnight – sleep well – may all your dreams be of oily fish.

Advertisements

About A.D.S.

You are reading the musings of a music-obsessed forty-something who was brought up on The Beatles, lived through Britpop and now spends his time in pursuit of the best music around. This 'blog gives me an outlet to write about the huge number of albums I buy and the many gigs I go to. All of the opinions expressed are my own and if you don't agree with me, then I understand - music is a very personal thing. I like to receive comments, especially if they're nice ones.
This entry was posted in Humour and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s